Hedges Family Estates shares "Rules for Attending Wine Festivals"
"Don't pinch your fingers & say, "Just a little." Dump it if you don't want to finish it, but I'm going to pour as much as I damn well please..."
While tongue-in-cheek & pure Hedges humor, there is a LOT of painful truth to these "Rules to Live By". Santé!!
Rules for Attending a Wine Festival
by Hedges Family Estate, Red Mountain, WA
Don't tether your wine glass to your neck
Don't pinch your fingers & say, "Just a little." Dump it if you don't want to finish it, but I'm going to pour as much as I damn well please.
Don't violently lift your glass mid-pour & say, "That's enough." Same deal as above.
Don't say, "Give me the biggest thing you have." This isn't NASCAR.
Let "smooth" take the day off from your vocabulary...the whole day.
Don't shove. I mean...really
Don't say you hate Merlot. We ALL saw Sideways. Guess what: Miles didn't want to drink Merlot because it reminded him of his ex-wife. That bottle he drank in the end - his most precious bottle - had a ton of Merlot in it.
Don't tell every winemaker about the winery that was down the street while you lived in Lodi.
Don't ask how the wine scored...EVER.
Do wear a "Wine'er, Dine'er, 69'er" T-shirt
If you are going to wear one of those little food trays that has a cutout for your glass, you better be damn sure you are cool enough to wear it. Note: NO ONE is that cool.
Over-buff late-30s guy: Don't try to impress your date by contradicting me. You're going to fail. Yeah, try me.
Don't lick your glass... pig...
Don't talk about your sulfite allergy. There is a good chance you have no idea what you're talking about.
Don't dump into the water pitcher. And always look before you drink out of it.
Practice spitting at home; it WILL come in handy.
Don't talk about the legs after you swirl the glass. Here's a tip: the legs don't matter.
Don't take your heels off & puke in the lobby...please.
Don't ask what the most expensive wine on the table is.
Keep the rim of your glass FOOD-FREE.
If you proclaim that you don't like white or rosé, we WILL make fun of you when you walk away.
NO Perfume or Cologne! And go light on the lipstick, honey...